I get a lot of questions about talking to women over the phone. Instead of answering each one individually I thought I’d do a whole newsletter on the topic. As I’m teaching you exactly how step-by-step to talk to women over the phone, I’ll be alluding to an essential *key ingredient* for ATTRACTING women in general. SO KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED AS YOU READ ON.

The lurid reality is this: The vast majority of phone numbers men get will never amount to anything, because most men DON’T know the right way to talk to women over the phone.

If you have not yet learned the *right way* to talk to women over the phone, REALIZE that mastering this skill will at the very least DOUBLE your current success with women – point blank!

When getting a woman’s phone number, the average collective male chooses one of three categories of action. In most cases, however, he is damned no matter which one of the three categories he chooses. As you READ each category it will become apparent to you why this is the case.

Category # 1: Trying To Win Over A Woman’s Heart…

Some of you hopeless romantics might argue: there is a heap of sentimental value encapsulated in the journey of winning over a woman’s heart. Maybe so. But in the wake of your efforts your chances are slim to nil of generating ANY attraction with her. Women are ATTRACTED to men who are the PRIZE. When you try to win over, impress, or get validation from a woman, you are making her the Prize in the interaction, not you. Doing this is the quickest rout to eradicating ANY ATTRACTION there. I should know; I’ve lost many women from doing this. Their attitude towards me turned from fun loving warmth into contemptuous ennui, imputing me as the source of their boredom. Scorning me, as if I was a suppository wrapped in gold foil that they mistakenly bit into, credulously thinking I was an Almond Roca.

Some men will try to win a woman over by attempting to act entertaining or funny. Acting entertaining and funny can generate MASSIVE ATTRACTION in women but only within the context of being the Prize.

In the context, however, of trying to win a woman over, acting entertaining and funny will destroy any ATTRACTION that was there. Even if a woman is laughing at everything you are doing and saying, she will probably be thinking: “Dance little monkey…dance!” Women somehow clairvoyantly know when you’re acting entertaining and funny as a means to impressing or getting validation from them. If you’re adamant about acting entertaining and funny, that’s fine. But make sure you have the mindset that you’re doing it for your own amusement, not trying to win her approval. I know many guys who aren’t particularly funny, though, women find them hilarious and very attractive. This is largely because these men aren’t acting funny and entertaining in the context of trying to win a woman over. They, instead, are enjoying and amusing themselves. So, when talking to a woman on the phone DON’T worry about impressing her. Have fun. Enjoy the conversation. Amuse yourself.

Many guys will try to fill the quota of a woman’s “Ideal Man.” What usually happens is this: As a guy is talking over the phone with a woman she’ll bring up what she likes – or more often, what she disdains – in a man. Most guys, then, end up trying to qualify or prove to the woman that they are her ideal man. Don’t do this. It conveys to the woman that you view her as a Prize you are trying to win over. If a woman starts listing her “man” standards and requirements or begins yapping about a guy she really likes, interrupt her with, “this conversation’s really boring me” or, alternatively, start conspicuously yawning. Both tactics are very powerful because they transform the underlying meaning of your phone conversation from:

To win her over you have to possess or display such-and-such qualities.

Into:

You letting her know that her conversation topic is not winning her any points with you.

(If you DIDN’T get what I just wrote, read it a few more times – it is really important!).

A direr version of this is when guys probe women with questions about what they look for in a man. If you are guilty of this, stop it! Besides making you look insecure about how you measure up to what she’s normally ATTRACTED to, you’re defining the underlying meaning of the phone conversation as her being the Prize, not you. When talking to women on the phone, DON’T probe her with questions about what she’s normally attracted to. ASSUME, instead, that you are the Prize she is trying to win over. Make her fill the quota of your ideal woman. While talking to a brunette on the phone, I might, for example, haphazardly chuckle to which she’ll inevitably shoot back with, “What?” I’ll rebut with, “You’re a brunette, aren’t you?” and she’ll say, “Yes.” Then I’ll let her know she doesn’t fill my quota with, “I only like blondes! You aren’t my type…but we can be friends.” Doing this is more than light hearted banter: I’m defining the underlying meaning of our phone conversation as me being the Prize.

I know a few guys who try to win women over by giving lots of compliments. I think giving women compliments can be very powerful. But when you give a woman compliments within the context of trying to win her over, you become a courtier: a flatterer of someone more important than you. Put simply, you are unknowingly implying that she is the Prize, not you.

Category # 2: Treating Her Like Your Wife…

If a woman gives you her number – even if you feel like you have a special connection with her or end up sleeping with her the first night you meet – she is not yet your girlfriend or wife. Treating a woman like a wife when first getting to know her will hurl you to the top of the Creep-O-Meter. This means DON’T: ask her questions about other guys she’s seeing, suspiciously interrogate her about how she spends her time, and angrily reprimand her for flaking on you. How she spends her time is her business. Telling a confident, intelligent woman who you’ve just met what she can and cannot do will make her run so fast it will make your head spin.

At some point, most of us, guys, have been chagrined by a woman flaking on us, causing us to brood over it for hours and, then, angrily reprimand her to no avail – it sucks! But you know what: Whoop-de-do…go sail a f*ing boat! Suck it up! She doesn’t care. Put your rampant intellectual coping mechanism in check. The angrier you get, the less ATTRACTED to you she’ll be. Later on I’ll tell you the *right way* to handle women flaking. SO KEEP READING.

Category # 3: Acting Aloof And Disinterested And Letting Her Pursue You…

More than a few people have accused me of endorsing this category. There only half right. As you read on, you’ll get what I mean. One of the morals in the movie Swingers is: You need to wait seven days before calling a girl’s number – you wouldn’t want to look needy or desperate. They give a pretty funny example illustrating the consequences of breaking this moral when the protagonist, a lovable-loser named “Mike” calls a woman he has only known for a few hours seven times in a row, redounding in her telling him to never call her again (If you haven’t seen the movie, do so. It’s a must). This moral has become intrinsic to the zeitgeist of the modern dating advice and self-help for men world.

The moral is right in theory but wrong in practice. With beautiful women in the Real World, NOT acting proactive will lead to many lonely nights. To smack you upside the head with this, waiting for women to call you is a hopeless strategy. Unless you’ve gotten a woman on the hook, waiting for her to call is not making her chase you, it is passively wishing for her to pursue you. I am NOT touting you to chase, pursue, and try to win women over, either.

Proactive Prizing: Actively Creating A Space For Her To Chase You…

In my book I talk about Prizing – the art of making a woman chase you. You can only Prize women, however, within certain contexts. And MOST of the time, you need to proactively create these contexts. Passively waiting for these contexts is a losing battle. This especially applies to Prizing women over the phone. If you DON’T call a woman or if you passively wait for her to call you, you aren’t proactively creating the context to Prize her. It isn’t her responsibility to chase you; it’s your responsibility to make her chase you. Don’t be passive. Take the initiative. Be Proactive. Will some women think you are chasing them? Yes, but who cares! You can undermine this by, for example, telling her: “You aren’t my type and I want to let you know that I’d never go for you, though I do find you amusing to talk to.” This is a form of what in my book I call “Push-Pull.” If you’ve been studying my book, you probably have already realized why doing something like this will quickly and effectively get a woman chasing you.

I remember the days when I’d passively wait for a woman to call me. Looking back, I now realize the heaps of success I missed out on, all because I didn’t yet understand the concept of proactive Prizing.

The better you get at this the more you’ll find women asking you out on dates over the phone – it’s almost scary how much this happens to me. Don’t passively, however, wait for a woman to ask you out on a date. It is up to you to get her from the phone to a physical location (Maybe I’ll do a whole newsletter addressing this topic). Will some women perceive this as you chasing them? Yes but, as I said before, you can undermine this later. Let me give you an example. A few years ago, I was talking over the phone with a woman who mentioned an affinity for art. I invited her to an art exhibit. She responded with, “Are you trying to ask me out on a date?!” I chuckled and Prized back with, “No…my grandmother’s coming too. I know the elderly don’t leave the house much so I thought I’d do my good deed for the year by getting you two girls out for some fresh air. Oh, just to let you know, I don’t tolerate funny smells. So be sure to wear your adult diaper.” She laughed and, then, told me I was a wicked bastard. But she showed up at the museum, claiming to be wearing her adult diaper. Luckily, her diaper ended up being G-string underwear.

You don’t always have to undermine your intentions when asking a girl out but it usually can’t hurt, plus it takes the pressure off her thinking it is some big date.

Sometimes, no matter what you say, women end up flaking. I’ve met tons of guys who are amazing with women. Yet even they have experienced women flaking on them. Any guy who tells you he never has women flake on him is lying – point blank. The reasons for women flaking are too numerous to list in this newsletter. Many of these reasons are probably different from ones you’ve thought of. Some attractive women, for example, will flake on guys out insecurity, fearing that he’ll discover their flaws, making him less attracted to them. For your sake, however, it is not important to analyze and address the reasons why women flake. If they flake, brush it off, keep proactively Prizing them, and then ask them out again.

As long as you follow my guidelines – even if you’re still nervous while talking to girls on the phone – you’ll be a hundred times better off. And if you haven’t already picked up a copy of my book, do so. I give you step-by-step instruction on how to establish yourself as the PRIZE and get any woman chasing you, allowing you to achieve the mastery and success with women you deserve. And this is only scratching the surface of what I’m going to teach you. Stop allowing opportunities to pass you by. Let me show you step-by-step how to generate massive attraction with women.

‘Till next time,

Swinggcat

When you get a woman’s number and you’re picking up the phone to call and “ask her out”, does it bother you?

Do you get freaked out?

Do you start thinking about exactly what you’re going to say, how you’re going to say it, how to deal with her rejecting you… etc.?

Do you ever get NERVOUS when you’re dialling the phone?

You know that feeling when you just start getting anxious for no logical reason, and you just CAN’T control it?

Have you ever had to actually HANG UP because you were so damn freaked out… and you just couldn’t follow through with it?

OK, now another set of interesting questions…

Have you ever called a woman, and started talking to her, only to realize that she was in a COMPLETELY different mood from the last time?

Have you ever had a woman “turn cold” on you all of a sudden?

It’s almost like you’re talking to a different person from the girl you met just a day or two before… and it makes no sense to you… right?

And finally…

Have you ever worked up the nerve to call, gotten her on the phone, had a great conversation, but when it came time to ask her out, you froze up because you didn’t know what to say?

Or even worse, have you ever gotten to the end of the conversation and asked her out, only to have her answer with:

“Well, maybe… call me Friday afternoon… OK?”

or…

“Actually, I’m going to be busy all this week, but thanks for asking… (silence)”

…?

Have you ever had one of those conversations where you could just TELL that something wasn’t right… and that she wasn’t going to be taking you up on your date offer, or calling you back at all anytime soon?

So why all the problems?

What is it about this particular few minutes of time that constantly ends in problems for guys?

I personally think that this issue comes down to a few key DEEPER ISSUES.

And I think that if you don’t have these other issues “handled”, you’re going to keep running into problems… and NEVER even know WHY…

…which sucks.

I mean, it’s bad enough to keep having a particular problem and not figure out how to solve it… but the idea that the solution is in doing something you would never think of is a little bit maddening.

In other words, I think that this is all about understanding the problem, and actually PREVENTING it from coming up… rather than trying to “solve it” in the moment.

Let me put it this way…

If you’re dialling the phone, and you’re starting to feel nervous, then it’s already too late to solve the problem.

No quick fix will help you.

Or if you’re on the phone with her and you have just asked her out on a date, and she says “Um, let me call you back in a few days and tell you”… and you start to get that sinking feeling because you know she’s blowing you off… IT’S TOO LATE.

There’s no “magic pill” at this point.

The answer is PREVENTION.

THE MAGIC FORMULA

So let’s take a few minutes and talk about the issues and what CAUSES them.

Here are some of the “root causes”, and how I see them…

1) Having no other options.

If you’re sitting at the phone with ONE phone number in your hand, and you haven’t been out on a date in a long time, and you are feeling DESPERATE, you’re probably going to get VERY nervous.

When you have no other options, the single one in front of you becomes VERY valuable.

Translation: You want it TOO badly.

This AUTOMATICALLY triggers your emotional system, because at some level you realize that if you screw this up, it’s all over. And you know that it’s all going to happen in just an few SECONDS.

The pressure is too much!

2) Putting too much importance on a single girl.

Now, if you have a girl that you’ve been dating for six months, and you’ve decided that she’s one in a million, it makes sense to put a lot of importance on your relationship with her.

But if you don’t know a girl very well, or you haven’t even dated her at all, then you are only setting yourself up for major disappointment by putting too much importance on ANY girl.

3) Thinking you need to IMPRESS her.

This is a HUGE issue.

Most men “unconsciously” behave and communicate like they’re trying to IMPRESS the woman of their desires.

When you think about this, it only makes sense… of course you’d want to impress the woman you like… so she’ll think you’re a cool guy and want to be with you.

But have you ever thought for a moment how an interesting, attractive woman sees it when a guy is TRYING to IMPRESS her?

Well, here’s the INSTANT and UNCONSCIOUS response that women have:

“He’s trying to hard. There’s something wrong. This guy must have something he’s trying to hide… and he must be pretty insecure.”

In other words, the INSTANT you do something or say something that is an obvious attempt at impressing a woman, her radar system screams:

“WUSSY!”

4) Having expectations and being attached to them.

You might think of this one as a variation of “wanting it too much”… only slightly different.

When you start getting your hopes and expectations up, you begin to get ATTACHED to them.

Then you run the risk of HOLDING ON TOO TIGHT to your little fantasy.

Bad idea.

Women don’t date guys who assume too much, act too comfortable, or fall for them too quickly.

Remember, beautiful women have guys falling for them left and right.

In fact, they almost EXPECT guys to go out on one or two dates with them, then say “You know, I really like you…” and other equally predictable sentiments.

Just like being desperate can destroy your chances with a woman, liking a woman too much, too fast, and creating expectations leads to crazy, stupid mistakes as well.

Now, think over what I just said…

I’m basically saying that if you want to cure the problem of freaking out when you call women to ask them out, and the problem of screwing it up when you have that first conversation and ask them out the first time, then you have to go INSIDE first… and do some preventative maintenance on yourself.

And the GOOD NEWS is that this stuff is not only good for you, it also helps you get even MORE dates with interesting women.

So here’s what to do about this particular problem:

1) Get more options.

If you go out one evening with a couple of friends, and you meet a REALLY hot girl… and you wind up having a fun conversation, and getting her number, what should you do?

RIGHT! Go get at least ONE MORE girl’s number. More, if you can.

This way, when you’re picking up the phone to call (or sending out emails, or whatever), you’ve got another woman to call right after her…

In other words, if it doesn’t go well, no big deal. No sweat at all.

Instead of putting all your “hopes” in this one situation, go get more options… this will prevent many problems, as well as giving you more women to date!

And think about it… when are you MOST likely to get a woman’s phone number? When are you the most likely to be in a great mood that actually ATTRACTS women?

Exactly… in the moments after you’ve already gotten another woman’s number.

So take advantage of this time!

2) Dial the phone expecting it to NOT work out with this girl.

I have news for you: Most women have something about their personality, behavior, future plans, etc. that is going to disqualify them from being good “potential mates” for you.

Now, I’m not saying that “all women are screwed up”, etc.

What I AM saying is that you need to realize that the only reason you’re freaking out so much is because your EMOTIONS are running the show.

You need to think about how rare it is that you actually meet a girl that is COMPATIBLE with you… that you’d enjoy spending time with even if she wasn’t good-looking.

If you have this in mind as you’re dialling the phone, you won’t have that “I’m desperate” vibe going on.

You won’t be talking like a guy who has a gun to his head, either… which is a good thing… because women get weirded-out by this kind of thing.

3) Instead of asking a woman out, tell her what you’re doing, and then tell her she can come along if she wants.

Why is “asking a woman out” early on a bad idea? Because if you don’t have a world-class understanding of male/female dynamics, you’re going to come across as a guy who is trying to use food as date-bait.

In other words, if the first thing out of your mouth is “I’d like to take you out to dinner” it’s going to be interpreted as “I don’t think you’re probably going to accept an invitation to spend time with me unless I throw in something extra…”.

Weak.

And that’s how SHE sees it.

The alternative?

Tell her that you’re going to be doing something, and that she should join you.

“Hey, I’m going to go down to Starbucks and get a cup of tea. You should join me. I’m way more fun than whatever else you were going to do… and that’s a fact!”

Extra bonus points:

Hint that she’s missing out if she doesn’t accept immediately.

If she hems and haws, or hesitates… just interrupt and say “Hey, you’re the one who’s missing out”.

I also like “You know, never mind. I guess you don’t like to have fun…”.

Great stuff!

This is solid Cocky & Funny material, and it’s the right time to use it.

You know, I personally used to get VERY freaked out when calling women for the first time on the phone… and “asking them out”.

Now that I understand this particular “moment in time” better, and now that I understand more of the “dynamics” of what’s going on, I get MUCH better results personally…

In fact, I never get “nervous” anymore when calling women, and I rarely if EVER have a woman “flake out” on me.

Now, in this newsletter I’ve shared a few points to help you get better results in this particular area. Use them. They’ll definitely help you.

You should read this newsletter right before you call every one of the next 10 women you meet… in fact.

But as you can probably tell, this is just one of MANY important facets of success with women.

In fact, this is just scratching the surface of the skills you’ll need if you want to have CONSISTENT success with the most DESIRABLE women.

The reality of this situation is that if you want to take control of this area of your life, and not walk helpless with women anymore, you’re going to need to take more steps to get yourself educated on this topic.

And what’s the best way to do that quickly, easily, and without spending years of time and lots of money learning the HARD WAY?

My eBook, Double Your Dating.

It will take you step-by-step through all the key theories, concepts, and techniques you’ll need to start meeting and dating more women starting IMMEDIATELY.

And here’s another interesting benefit that comes from going through my eBook…

It actually CHANGES HOW YOU SEE THE WORLD.

The first time you read it, you’ll be hitting your head saying “Ah ha! Ah ha!” the whole time.

All of those things that have happened to you with women will start to make sense.

All of the times you screwed up will stop bothering you, because you’ll “get” what happened… and all of the times that things worked will also make sense.

Of course, you’ll also be shaking your head as you learn some of the most amazing techniques for approaching women, getting numbers, getting dates, and taking things to a more “physical level” that have ever been created (For example, I share some of my own personal favorite “pick up lines” that work better than anything I’ve ever heard of for approaching women… and I don’t share these anywhere else except my audio and video programs and intensive live seminars).

But one of the REAL benefits comes AFTER you go through it. This is when the real MAGIC starts to happen.

When you’re out at restaurants watching the couple at the next table, you’ll UNDERSTAND what is happening.

When a woman starts doing something subtle that you would have never noticed before, you’ll SEE it… and she’ll SEE that you see it… and you will instantly be talking to her on a DIFFERENT LEVEL… all because you know something that most other guys don’t.

When you encounter “resistance” or “problems” or “tests” from women, you will no longer need to get nervous or upset, because you’ll know what TO DO about it… and when you actually DO the right thing you’ll see that problem disappear.

The point that I’m trying to make is that this education will not only teach you techniques for meeting women, it will also give you a new POWER that you never had before.

I can honestly say to you that if this program were available five or so years ago when I started learning this stuff, I would have gladly traded ANYTHING I owned for it… or paid any amount of money.

But it wasn’t, so I had to take YEARS figuring all of this stuff out for myself.

This eBook is priceless, and it’s worth at least ten times what I sell it for. As you probably know, you can order it WITHOUT RISK as well.

Order and try it out. If you’re not happy, just say “no thanks” and I’ll refund your money. No questions, no hassles.

I’m that confident that it will take your success with women to a whole new level.

Click the link below for all of the details, and be sure to sign up for my free newsletter while you’re at it:

Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook

I’ll talk to you again soon.

David DeAngelo (Double Your Dating)

I get a phone call from an ex-girlfriend that I’m still close with. We still hook-up, but I value her more as someone who I can talk to now. I think that may change when I stop travelling and I’m around more. For some reason, she’s an anomaly who is very self aware of her tendencies. That is, as opposed to most girls I meet, who only offer useless socially conditioned rhetoric, whenever you ask them about male/female interaction.

Over the course of the conversation, the topic of dating comes up. I ask, “What does it mean when you meet up with a guy, have a great time, maybe even kiss, but then when he calls you don’t go out with him? Like you make up excuses and don’t return his calls.”

She replies, “Well there’s this guy, Chris, who I met the other night. I really liked him. I offered him my number. He called me the other night, and asked me to meet up. I told him ‘You know what, I think I actually will. Let me call you back.’ I really wanted to meet up. For some reason I never did though. The thing is, that I can feel the emotion that I felt when I gave him my number, at the time that we’re talking on the phone. But the second we hang up, poof, it’s gone. Also, I actually have scheduling issues. It’s not like this is someone who I’m already friends with, who I’d give priority to. This is some new person that I barely know. If he happens to catch me at the right time, I’d go out with him. But I won’t take the time or go out of my way to return his calls. I don’t call guys.”

I reply, “So theoretically, you’re sufficiently attracted to this guy that under different circumstances you could have wound up sleeping with him. Or even gotten into a five year relationship, for all you know. But just because of ill luck in timing and because he actually believed that you’d call him back, now you’ll never see him again. Is this weird to you at all?”

She replies, “Nope. It makes perfect sense. I don’t care either way, because I have guys available to me at all times so it’s my last priority. That guy was cool and I thought he was cute, and maybe I’ll see him again later or something. I also just give out my number to be social most of the time. It doesn’t mean I have any intentions at all.”

I reply, “He could use that opportunity to continue the interaction to generate attraction down the line, no?”

She replies, “It’s happened before. Really I just don’t want to meet new guys. I like being social when I’m out. But if I’m attracted to a guy, I’ll probably flake on him. I’ve already slept with enough guys (she’s nineteen years old, and has been with five guys), I don’t want to sleep with anymore right now. When I was with my two friends hanging out at these guys’ house, we made each other promise not to let each other do anything because the guys were cute.”

I reply, “OK that makes sense. What if he’s really good looking? Does that make a difference? Also, do you think that when he calls it’s better for him to chat you for a while, so you can be reminded of why you gave him your number in the first place? Or should he just call and immediately try to make plans? Also, do you think it’s better to call you out on your bullshit in a funny way if you flake?”

She answers, “Looks means nothing when it comes to that stuff. I know within seconds if I could or couldn’t sleep with a guy. I knew within seconds that we’d have sex, the night that we met.”

I reply, “Are you serious? I don’t think that my looks are on a level that you’d want to sleep with me the second you saw me.”

She replies, “True. But it’s in your energy. The way you come across. I can’t explain it. As long as you’re not morbidly disfigured your looks won’t be the main thing I judge on. Girls all say they want looks, but they wind up with guys who aren’t hot all the time. There’s so many guys that I think are so hot, and I sit there waiting for them to talk and I’m all excited, and they’re like “hi” with some stupid line, and they sound retarded and act weird. It’s such a let down, and most hot guys are like that.”

I reply, “Do you think the 25 point list I showed you has to do with that kind of stuff?”

She replies, “Yes, definitely. Also stuff that you don’t have in there, like just your voice and facial expressions.”

I reply, “OK, what about the other stuff with calling girls out on bratty behaviour? Like confronting her for flaking?”

She replies, “Well if a guy tries to argue with me, I’ll just hang up on him. He would have to do it in a totally funny way that doesn’t make me upset or annoyed.”

I reply, “Last night, I call up this flaky girl, and say ‘You’re so annoying to get a hold of! It’s so cute though, you’re so confused and disorganized. It’s like you’re my bratty little sister. I don’t even think I’m attracted to you anymore, I just want to take care of you and help you get organized like a big brother.’… Then she started giggling and said ‘No no no.. I’ll meet up with you, don’t think of me like that!’.. Do you think that was a good approach?”

She replies, “Yeah definitely. That was funny and if you did that to me, I’d be like “Oh yeah, well maybe I WILL meet up with you then!”

I reply, “OK awesome. So do you think it’s good to talk for like 15 minutes to remind her of what she gave you her number in the first place, and then go for a meet?”

She replies, “Probably longer than that actually. I’m not sure. For you maybe less time because you do this stuff. But most guys have no chance unless they’re lucky because I’m either bored or looking for something at that point in time. I guess their best bet is to try to talk to me as much as possible, so I become friends with them.”

—–

A few thoughts on this.

First, guys will attribute flaking to a lack of attraction. I disagree with this line of thinking. Girls go into state, and forget about it down the line. In fact, most of what occurs while a girl’s buying temperature is escalated will be forgotten by the girl. They become disassociative and cognitive dissonance kicks in.

Have you ever noticed that whatever drama happens the night you meet a girl will be forgotten if you wind up dating? It’s because nothing that happens while she’s in state counts to her. That’s also why we don’t bother worrying about whether or not a girl has a boyfriend. She becomes disassociative when she’s attracted, so it’s not relevant to the interaction.

That being the case, there are a few tendencies that guys in the scene have, that I think are wrong-headed:

1- Calling a girl on her bullshit for flaking in a way that isn’t cute or fun, or in a way that sounds angry or like you actually care. In my experience, the only girls who respond to that are the types who respond to this sort of behaviour in general, which is a certain type of girl that is not the majority.

2- Putting the girl in a position where she has to call you back or its over.

3- Refusing to follow up with girls who don’t make it easy to meet up with them again by, and thinking that you’re somehow ‘NEXTing’ them.

4- Thinking that all value is strictly conveyed in person, and that it is a bad idea to talk for a long time on the phone because it makes you look needy. Not that you *need* to call long. But rather, call as long as you feel like. Calibrate so as to hang up before she gets bored, but enjoy the interaction as long as you want. It’s just that much more comfort building, and is only taking you that much closer to the endzone.

5- Giving up if the girl stands you up, because you think she isn’t attracted.

For me, there are a few things that I’ll do when it comes to the phone. First, if a girl flakes me, I’ll tease her on it in a funny way. I never get angry or look genuinely upset about it. I never focus on reasoning with them logically.

I also don’t give up if a girl doesn’t call back. At the same time, if they say they’ll call back I’ll say I don’t get upset like I know they won’t. I’ll just say “OK cool.” and give them the chance. But then if they don’t call back when they said they would, I’ll call back a bit later and just re-initiate the conversation as if I don’t even remember that they didn’t follow up.

Now when it comes to the idea that “if a girl disrespects me I’ll NEXT her”, that isn’t my frame at all. To me, you can’t NEXT a girl who you haven’t slept with. In my view, that’s just her NEXT’ing you. It’s only a girl that I’m already with that I’ll do this to if she annoys me or crosses my boundaries.

For a girl I haven’t slept with yet though, I have a certain beliefs. She owes me nothing. It’s all a game. No relationship or connection exists between us until we’ve been together physically, because she reserves the right to walk away at any point. I have no emotional ties to the interaction, and I have no ego about it. I just do what I think will work.

I also believe that there is a fundamental problem with many of the social ideas about how often and when to call. For example, there exists an idea in society that waiting to call will create scarcity and value, as well as increase anticipation. To me this is very wrong thinking. Notice that it stems from the fact that 99% of pickups in society are SOCIAL CIRCLE pickups. So for that kind of phone number, you’d have probably had the tension building for weeks or months before the number was exchanged. Of course waiting is better – it’s been building for months. But for girls you met on a cold approach, that is not the case.

I know what world the girls live in. They live in the same world that I do. The world where you meet tons of girls (in their case its guys), and tons of them like you and tons of them validate you. When I get home from a club, I literally cannot remember the names or faces of girls I met. To be more accurate, I literally barely remember the names or faces of the last three girls I had sex with. I just got off the phone with a girl that I was with less than twelve hours ago, and PlayboyLA and I had to think for five minutes about what her name was before I returned her call. And I LIKED that girl. I remember she was a hot brunette around my height, and seemed cool. But that’s about it.

For girls, it’s the same. They can barely remember anyone they meet, because they meet so many people. To make matters even worse, they become disassociative while they’re in the club. Many of them have even had had a few drinks, but you couldn’t tell. Of course, you can do daytime pickup. But regardless, the girls still have access to many other good looking alpha guys the second they want it. Most guys don’t even realize that it is very rare that an attractive girl is not getting laid by one or more other guys. That’s even when they’re single. They’re still sleeping with their ex-boyfriends, or some player on the side. It’s not like a hot girl is NOT getting laid, anymore than you wouldn’t be if you had the instant option. So when you’re calling, they are about as motivated to meet up with you as you would be to drive across town to a good Italian restaurant, when you’re eating a good bowl of Chinese right in front of you. Sure, the Italian would be great. But you have an unlimited Chinese buffet sitting right here. Why would you be bothered?

The girls don’t get that needy feeling that the guys get. They are always validated, because they’ve been in the club at least twice a week, getting validated by all the guys complimenting them and buying them drinks.

When it comes to how I handle the phone, I don’t worry that if I call back multiple times it will make me look bad. Because I have high social value, and don’t sub communicate any neediness, I can call as much as I want. In fact, I’ll call two or three times in a row if she’s not picking up, back to back. I’ll call back whenever I feel like it, because it’s obvious that I’m amusing myself and that I don’t really care. I could take it or leave it, and I’m just having fun. I’ll call and shoot the shit, and then hassle her until she meets up. Whatever.

I also combat excuses by adding in phone freezeouts, and following them with playful teasing and some semi-logical stuff like “Hey, come chill for a few minutes. If you’re bored, take off and we’ll catch up later.” My bro Mystery also has a field tested routine about how its weird to barrel through the first awkward half hour of meeting someone new, but everyone you know you had to go through it with, so let’s just barrel through it.

My goal is to have the girl on the phone ASAP. I don’t want them to have any time to forget that we have plans to meet up. I’ll call girls’ cellphones even as I’m leaving the club and going for afterbar food. I’ll have pulled a girl from the club to an afterhours food place, and run off to the bathroom to call all my numbers, while my wing occupies our set (I have a habit of pulling a two set with my wing for same night, and take numbers from the choice girls in larger sets). Whether I reach them or not, I’ll call them again as soon as I wake up the next afternoon, and get the ball rolling. I’m not thinking to make them wonder if I’ll call or not, because I know they could care less. Not because they aren’t attracted. Rather, because there are many attractive prospects on their plates, and regardless of my game, I’m one of many. The difference between me and them though, is that I’ll get her and they won’t, because I’ll play it properly.

If a girl stands me up, I’ll call her and make fun of her for it. I’ll hassle her to meet up. I’ll say I’m still there and she had better get her ass down there, because she’s my little sister and if she doesn’t get down here I don’t know what trouble she’ll get into if she doesn’t have me there to supervise her. I don’t care either if she wants her friends to come or not. All of this means nothing to me. I just want to see her again, because I’ll get her no matter what she throws at me. The difference between a day1 and a day2 is that she’s there to see *me*. So she has no excuse not to come back somewhere private if we’re spending time together. And from there I can escalate.

So let’s summarize. In my experience, I’ve found it best to get away from the idea that you’re trying to make the girl fall in love with you before you hook up with her. Focus on just showing you’re a cool guy who she has the potential to be attracted to, and then make it your only priority to see her again. Don’t worry about your value over the phone. You can’t wreck a sarge from over a phone line. That makes no sense. If you’re the kind of guy who she’s attracted to, then just act congruent to that over the phone. Call her and get her accustomed and accepting that you’re in her life now. Make plans, and if she is flaky don’t worry about it, and be playfully persistent by chatting her more, not by talking non-stop about the flaking. Meet, have fun, connect, isolate, and from there its up to you.. :)

Tyler Durden (Real Social Dynamics)